ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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