I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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