so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
