I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
