is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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