I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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