I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
