How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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