I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize