The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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