My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
