Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
