smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry about my life...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
