My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
