Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
