Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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