She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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