hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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