he puts the penis in happiness.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
