I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
