Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
