she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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