you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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