Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
