Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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