i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
