you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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