and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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