just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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