Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
