We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
