Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
