Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I AM VODKA MAN
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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