So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just found puke in my bra..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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