you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
