I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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