About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
