Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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