So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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