People in love make me want to vomit
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so let's talk penis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
