Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
