Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
