Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
