So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
