I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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