Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
