I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
