I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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