it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
