Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
