...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
