No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize