U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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