I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
