help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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