Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
