I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
