Can i not drive my cunt home
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
