Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
