Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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