So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
