Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
