guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize