You really coming over, don't trick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
