did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
