My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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