Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
