This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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